Makin' the World Go Around

One of the most compelling arguments against moving also happens to be one of the most compelling reasons for moving. The argument boils down to one word: friends.

We are staying for a couple of nights with friends, Max Gail and Chris Kaul. I only really got to know them a couple of months ago, but it was a deepening of an old friendship that started many years ago. Chris is an old friend of the family, and Max is the sort who is easy to befriend, he has such a genuinely friendly nature. Max and Chris’s house at Point Dume in Malibu, overlooks the channel islands between LA and Ventura off the foggy southern California coast (at least it’s foggy this morning). It was the first time Wyn had met either of them, but hopefully she will find the friendship to be as easy as I find it.

Leaving Honolulu was made harder because we had to leave behind so many dear friends that we have accumulated over the past 26 years. But we have not abandoned the friendships, we’ve just moved them from our local friend list to our distant friends list. We had a farewell party where we got to say au revoir to many of them.

The party was hosted by Derek and Yvonne at their house on Oahu’s North Shore, and people came from all over Oahu, and we even had a couple (Howie and Gloria) fly in from Maui for the occasion. It was interesting to see the mix. We had to limit the number of people, but invited a handful of folks from the British Commonwealth Club (Barbara, John and Remy, Kathy, Pauline, Jerry), a few that we had gotten to know initially as parents of our son (Liz and Ray, Jean and Chester, Jill and Haim, Sophie and Mike), a few from our work lives who had managed to transcend the “colleague” sobriquet to become friends (Ruth and Norman, Lynette, Mary, Vicky) and a few who started out as friends of friends, but became just friends (Werner and Elaine, Joanie and Elizabeth, Rami). Some crossed the boundaries, touching our lives in more ways than one (Maggie and Fred, Will and Ellie, and several of those mentioned above). It’s like the old wedding rhyme … some were old friends, some were new, some were borrowed, and yes, judging from all the tears at our aloha party, some were blue. But it wasn’t goodbye, it was hana hou (“another time” in Hawaiian). These were all friendships that will endure. They have a long shelf life, and our phone numbers and e-mail addresses will remain the same. It may be that we can’t have dinner at the Shack every Wednesday night, and can’t walk up to Makapu’u Lighthouse to watch the whales in the sunset, but the memories remain, the friendships remain.

Another party, another entirely different group, was a casual dinner at Wahoo’s, where they specialize in fish tacos. We met several folks from IONS, the Institute of Noetic Sciences, which has provided a long-standing platform for exploring deep thoughts and connections between people. I will look forward to getting to know the people in another IONS community.

When we get to the east coast, we begin assimilating a new group of friends, growing our circle rather than replacing it. There are friends, virtual and real, that we’ve met through various media and organizations … the Co-Creative Society, IONS, Tobri.com, the Shift Network, the English Speaking Union … most of them people we haven’t yet met face to face, but we will soon have the opportunity to see which ones we resonate with, which ones we want to invite over to dinner, go for a hike with, enjoy the beach, a concert, play golf with, meet for coffee and a casual breakfast. The social fabric may look different, but friendships are still made and deepened in the same way … heart to heart. And the heart to connections will endure … distance changes the texture of friendships, but not the value.